Christmas panned out pretty good.

Forget the firetrucks.  The Spiderman toys.  The Pillow Pets.

Chip’s favorite present this year?  Was the smiley face pancake griddle that was meant for me.

It’s pretty funny to see a toddler ditch the toys in lieu of lugging around an 8-pound cast iron skillet all day.  But lug he did.

And lick he did.

I’m not sure where his obsession with frying pans came from.  But if it means he might cook me breakfast in bed, I’m all for it.

Some other random Christmas stats and figures:

  • Number of Christmas celebrations we attended in a  period of 32 hours: 4
  • Number of minutes my kids napped in those two days: 38
  • Number of celebrations where food was served: 4
  • Number of pounds I’ve gained since Christmas Eve: 7
  • Number of those pounds that have gone straight to my butt: 7
  • Number of celebrations that served alcoholic beverages: 1
  • Number of mimosas Momma consumed at Christmas brunch: stats not available.
  • Number of times the phrase “Are we there yet?” was heard: 38
  • Number of times “Ask that again and you’ll get a lump of coal in your stocking” was said: 22
    (Kidding.  Obviously.  I only said it about 5 times.)

Probability we’ll do it all again next year: 99%

Because that’s the way we roll.  Laughter, family, a boatload of food, and a healthy dose of chaos.  It doesn’t get much better than that in my book.  And really, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Well, maybe one thing.  I’m thinking that next year, I think I’m going to skip the toys altogether and buy my son a sauté pan instead.

‘Twas the night before Christmas…

… and all through the house
The only creature who was stirring
Was Momma.  Scrambling to get her Christmas cards done.

I’m such a procrastinator.

As always, I had the best of intentions to get our cards done and out at the first of the month.  Obviously, that did not happen.

Truth be told, the whole process would be a lot simpler if I bought the boxed, pre-made cards like I used to do before we had kids.  But, apparently, I was smarter back then.

Post kids?  I figure I have so much free time on my hands, we I can do stuff  like this:

*Not our real names. Duh.

Or this one.  Chip’s in this one, if you look closely.  This is my personal favorite, by the way:

Yet another reason my daughter might hate me when she's older.

Or this one.  My attempt at going for the more classic, “normal” Christmas card:

Tonight, I finally finished with this year’s cards.  Seeing as how there’s a snowball’s chance in hell they would actually arrive by Christmas, I did New Year’s greetings instead of holiday cards.  Here’s a sneak peek:

Sadly, I’m still not finished.  I still need to print those little suckers, stuff and address them, and then venture into the vortex of doom to the post office for stamps and mailing.

I figure at the rate I’m going, with any luck, the cards should arrive by Valentine’s Day.

But at least I’ll sleep easier tonight knowing they’re almost ready to go.  And, with that, I say: “Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good night!”

Don’t forget!  Just 2 more days to enter the Elf Off if you’re interested.  We’ve had some great entries so far.  Come join in the fun!

Elf Off!

I love the internet.

Which is a good thing, because I spend entirely too much time on it. At work. While blogging. And while aimlessly surfing around cyberspace when I should, instead, be sleeping.

But the best thing about the internet? The fact that, with a few clicks of a mouse, you can make pictures like this:

Make your own Santa

Or videos like this:

I’ve seen this 8 times today, and it still makes me laugh.

Seriously, folks. Stuff like this is too funny not to share. I think this is so cool, in fact, that I’m teaming up with my blog buddy, Sandra, to bring you some holiday linky goodyness.

We’re hosting an Elf Off, and we’d love for you to join in!

Just link up a blog post containing your own personalized e-card greeting. We used JibJab for ours (you can create your own free holiday-themed picture or video by clicking here or here) but there are lots of other sites where you can create similar e-cards.

Then, grab a button from below, link up, and check out some of the other holiday cheer. You can link up here, or over at Sandra’s place, Sawdust and Paper Scraps.

The linky will remain open through December 25, 2010.

Have fun!
Elf Off 2010


A few updates and questions answered:

  • We’d love to see any types of holiday greetings: Christmas, Hanukkah, winter scenes, crazy dancing elves… all are welcome!
  • If you’re using JibJab, and have problems embedding your video, here are some tips:
    • Click on the “Share” button when you’re done creating your video.
    • At the bottom of the screen, there is a small text box where you can copy the embed code into your post.

  • Alternatively, you can also download your video for a small fee, and then upload to YouTube.
  • There may be prizes involved.  No promises… but depending on the number of entries, we may be throwing some cheesy awards your way for entries that make us pee our pants in laughter.  Awards may or may not be Deliciously Evil in nature.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Dexter.

Dexter who?
Dexter halls with boughs of holly.  (Can you tell I live with a preschooler?)

Yep.  We’re getting ramped up for Christmas around here.  And so far, it’s gone pretty smoothly.  With a few minor hiccups.  Such as:

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Donna who?
“Donna pull on the Christmas tree, Chip!”
Oops.  Timberrrr!  But Donna worry.  He’s okay.  After we unlodged the pine needles from his forehead, he’s perfectly fine.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Shirley who?
Shirley you remembered to check the Christmas lights before stringing them.  Didn’t you, momma?

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Anita who?
After cleaning up our little lumberjack, and then wrestling with the lights for 2 hours, Anita beer.  Seriously.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Anna who?
Anna body know what the problem is here?

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ima who?
Ima back from da store.  With this.

And this.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ida who?
Ida written a real post tonight but, honestly, getting the tree up and decorated just about tuckered me out.

But at least I have this to show for it.  Ain’t she pretty?

I gotta tell you, I love Christmas.  I really do.

And, despite my husband’s gentle hints each year that we should get one of those fake, pre-lit trees, I never give in.  I love getting a real tree.  I love the smell.  I love the twinkle of each little glittery ornament.  And, yes, I even love putting on the lights.

But one thing’s for certain.  Putting on the lights?  Is a whole lot more fun when the lights actually work when you plug them in.  And when you have a cold beer in hand.

The turkey said Google, Google!

Everything was all ready.

The tables were set.

The 16 paper handprint turkeys Bobo and I made were cut, glued, and set out as placecards.

The pies were cooling on the rack ordered and picked up from the bakery.

It was my first Thanksgiving dinner at my house, and I was determined that everything would be perfect.  There was just one thing left to do.

The turkey.

I had planned meticulously ahead.  I had researched spice recipes on the internet.  I had called my mother earlier in the week and grilled her about how to cook the perfect turkey.  (What kind of roasting pan should I get?  What are those little tinfoil snakes used for, anyways? How does your gravy turn out so good?  No one can make turkey gravy like my mom.)  I actually remembered to defrost the bird.  I had set the alarm to an ungodly hour so I could pop it in the oven.

I was fully prepared to cook the dickens out of my first turkey.  Or so I thought.

The morning of Thanksgiving the alarm went off at the crack of dawn.  I stumbled downstairs and groggily turned on the oven to preheat.  With one eye open, I lugged the turkey out of the fridge.  But when I took it over to the sink to wash it out, something fell out of the middle of the bird.

When I saw it lying in the sink, I yelped and jumped back a bit.  For the love of God, what WAS that?

And then I knew.  Obviously, someone had left the frank and beans in the middle of my turkey.

A slew of questions raced through my mind:

What kind of sick joke is this, anyway?
Am I being Punk’d?
What exactly am I supposed to do I do with that?
Cook it up?
Throw it away?
Use it as a garnish?

It was too early still to call my mom.  And I was more than a little embarrassed to try 1-800-BUTTERBALL.  So I turned to my old standby.  Google.

In the wee hours of the morning, I sat at the computer, Googling the phrase “turkey penis.”  Not how I envisioned starting my Thanksgiving.

Eventually, Google straightened me out.  And, suffice to say, the meal (and the turkey) turned out just fine.  But I learned a few things that Thanksgiving day.

I learned that there are some phrases you should never, ever type into Google.  Oh MY.

I learned that you can cheat and use the pre-cut, frozen mashed potatoes.  And, if you add enough butter and cream, no one will know the difference.  As long as you carefully dispose of the packaging.

I learned that my mom really does make the best turkey gravy I’ve ever tasted.

I learned that being able to have four generations of family sitting down at my dining room table is something to be thankful for, indeed.

I learned that tryptophan has no effect on children under the age of four.  Especially after three pieces of chocolate pie.

Most importantly, I learned that store-bought turkeys come with the neck and the gizzards inside the bird.  And I learned what a turkey willy does not look like.

Thank you for that, Google.

I hope you all are endowed with a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Mama's Losin' It
#4. Describe a memorable Thanksgiving.