Description: My younger child. Also answers to “Chip.”
Crime: Entering toddlerhood.
Formerly Known As:
- “My Sweet Momma’s Boy”
- “My easy, second-born child”
- “The Quiet One”
- Little Devil
- Mr. No
- “The Biter”
- “The Hitter”
- “The Hissy Fit Thrower”
- The “you’ll-never-guess-what-your-son-did-today” child
Identifying characteristics: Eyelashes so long it’s not even funny. Smile that says “I double dog dare you to put me in timeout.” Sly, sneaky grin. Will not perpetuate crimes unless you are looking directly at him. He believes that if it is not seen, there is really no point in doing it.
Last seen: Squeezing a juice box all over the carpet. Just to see what you’d do.
Anyone with information regarding the whereabouts of my child (the pre-two-year-old version), please email me immediately.
Warning: If you see this child, please approach with caution. Do not be fooled by his outwardly cute exterior. And, above all, do not engage him. He thrives on an audience for his malicious deeds.
Also, be aware that he is prone to being a sweet cuddlebug one minute, and the next, throwing a temper tantrum of epic proportions. You will not see it coming. He strikes when you least expect it.
If caught while executing a crime, he will try to weasel his way out of punishment by laughing, batting those obscenely long eyelashes at you, or uttering the words, “I love you, mommy.” Do not underestimate the power any of the aforementioned in making you laugh when you’re trying to be angry.
Again: Approach with caution.
And be afraid. Be very afraid.
Because he is two. Terrible, terrible two.