The Greatest Hits: Volume I


I learned a long time ago that I am not a Wiggles soundtrack kind of mom.

Not that I’m knocking The Wiggles, by any means.  I think they’re fantastic.  But there’s only so many times you can hear the same songs played over and over again before your brain starts to turn into cold spaghetti.  Personally, if I hear The Wiggles too many times, I start to want to bang my head into the steering wheel, smashed banana style. 

Or is it ban-AH-na?

Anyway, I digress.

The point is, when my kids and I are in the car, we listen my my music.  But I usually filter the selections so they don’t hear anything that might be picked up by young, curious little ears.

For instance, sometimes we listen to the Dixie Chicks.  But I always fast forward past “Goodbye, Earl.”

Sometimes we listen to 80’s classic rock.  “Eye of the Tiger”?  OK for kidlets under 5.  “Pour Some Sugar on Me”?  Not so much.

Sometimes it’s old-school country.  My son rocks “The Ring of Fire” like nobody’s business.  And, yes, sometimes there are questions asked about why there is a boy named Sue.  We work through those issues as they arise.

And sometimes, when dad’s in the car, we listen to butt-rock.  I don’t worry too much about filtering those songs.  Really, if I can’t understand a word they’re saying in those Def Leppard songs, I’m not worried that my kids will.

But sometimes, when I’m zoning out in the car, I forget my mom filter.  Such was the case the other day when Bobo and I took a short roadtrip.

When Madonna’s Immaculate Collection started blaring in iPod shuffle mode, I was jazzed.  We got Into the Groove.  We rocked out to “Holiday” and “Lucky Star.”  Bobo loved “Material Girl.”  You know, because we live in a material world.

But the tone took a more serious note when the next song started playing.  You know.  That song.

I hadn’t even realized what was on.  But I immediately snapped back into focus when the question piped up from the back seat:

“Mom,” my daughter asked.  “What’s a FURCHIN?”

I have to admit, I froze.  How in the world do you explain “Like a Virgin” to a 5 year-old?  Do you even try?

“It’s a strawberry daquiri made for kids!”

“It’s an undiscovered piece of land.”

“A name of a record label.”

“If your father has anything to say about it, what you will be until the ripe old age of 40.”

Sadly, none of these definitions popped into my head at the time.

Instead, I floundered.  I panicked.

Instead of brilliance or insight, what popped into my head was, “I think she said Like a Merman.”  And I promptly switched over to another song.

I know.  I’m obviously no rhymer.  But it was the best that I could come up with in my flustered state.

Fortunately, though, this satisfied my daughter.  She had seen The Little Mermaid, so maybe this made sense to her.  And, for the rest of the car ride, there were no more questions asked about virgins.  Or Mermen, for that matter.

But when I got home, I realized I need to refine my iPod selections again.  And I immediately started creating a playlist suitable for small ears.

I may have even thrown some Wiggles in there.

Because sadly, I might have to admit.  Maybe The Wiggles aren’t so bad after all.

14 thoughts on “The Greatest Hits: Volume I”

  1. My husband threw in The Ramones one day. Tinkerbell will pick one line of a song and sing it over and over, so for the longest time she walked around the house singing “Bam bam babam ba bam bam babam I wanna be sedated!”

  2. Oh that’s good stuff! I’m totally laughing, but I know it’s just a matter of time before it’s my turn to deal with that!

  3. Ferchin – it’s a furry chin. That would have been my answer. We listen to the local radio station. That Rhianna song? S&M – yeah – we just gloss over so many of the words and throw our hands in the air like we just don’t care. Not like the Wiggles, though — the pointing finger deal? Creepy.

  4. Ohmigosh you have me laughing so hard! Brilliant answer, absolutely brilliant– I’m gonna be singing those lyrics from now on 😀

    We were super spoiled by the fact that Alex was a delayed talker. He still hasn’t repeated the worst wash-your-mouth-out-with-soap phrases I’m sure I uttered at some point or other when he was little. Hannah however just says it all. Her most memorable prancing-around-the-house song to date?

    “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” (insert shaking tushie here…)

  5. We always listen to our music in the car too. But now that E is 5 and really understands what they’re saying i do have be a little more careful. We had the ipod going recently and a hip hop song we like came up. omg, we couldn’t turn it off fast enough b/c it was totally dirty and you could totally understand what they were saying. agh!

  6. I feel your pain. I do. Because we have tons of different types of music and as the kids got older? I had to start filtering it.

    Damn Madonna. And there are quite a few Stones songs that are just plain nasty.

    And now with iPods and iTunes and older kids, hubs has taken to browsing the cheap lists for old songs from “back in the day”….like Rubber Band Man and KC and the Sunshine Band.

    Which makes me want to download your Wiggles stuff. Or just cave in to Madonna.

  7. I confess I am a total bad mom and don’t filter the music at all. My 4 year old’s favorite music is usually by Ke$ha. Yes I know. But she doesn’t know half the words of the song so she just makes up her own. Yes I am totally rationalizing.

    Good for you for going the extra mile and making a playlist.

  8. Nice Save! I’m sure Madonna will be happy to know she’s still stirring up controversy – perhaps she’ll invest in a kids tune selection seeing that she’s adopted all of Africa.

  9. Awww, I happen to think saying, “Like a Merman” is a really smart answer!

    Leave it to Madonna to taint a whole new generation.

  10. LOL! I am the same way. I can only take so much of his music. So in the car, we are all about my music too. I like an eclectic mix but have noticed some songs are just a bit too much. I mean granted monkey is not at the age to really understand the songs, I am noticing how red my face gets. Like “oops…I’m a bad mom listening to this with my son in the car.” Yeah I have issues I know 😉

  11. I got caught doing the monkey dance at a stop light once. The people next to me laughed and laughed and laughed. Then I had to explain to the 4-year-olds why I “pointed my finger” at them. Should have just put on Madonna.

  12. I have to say, that was very clever of you. I probably would have gone with the alcoholic beverage for children… which, of course, opens up the flood gates for a whole new slew of questions

Comments are closed.