It’s been a trying week in our household. I’m sorry to say that, over the past week, our family has been a victim of a terrible, heinous crime.
I know. It looks harmless enough. But don’t be deceived by the appearance. Most recently, it’s been committing the most audacious of acts known to our family.
It’s been burning the bacon.
Point of clarification: the perpetrator I’m referring to is the microwave. The poor little attached oven unit gets very little use. Unless you count cooking tater tots as “baking.” But the microwave gets a lot of use. Especially when it comes to cooking up our breakfast every morning.
You know those boxes of Oscar Meyer microwaveable bacon that you pass by in the grocery store aisle? Well, they are a staple in my house. We go through maybe 3 to 4 boxes of that artificial, sodium-laden goodness every week. Which may account for why our cholesterol levels top the richter scales. But, that is a tale for a later date.
Anyway, this past week, “The Perp” suddenly and without warning started overcooking the bacon. As in, goodbye, sizzling, perfectly brown slices of goodiness. Hello, smoky, burnt pig aroma wafting throughout the house. I can think of no greater crime for an appliance to commit in our house.
Getting rid of the microwave was a mixed blessing, actually. In general, our kitchen has been a personal eyesore for me since we’ve moved in. However, being the tightwad I am, I simply couldn’t justify replacing the outdated, yellowed appliances until they had run their course. And in the age where everything breaks down immediately after their one-year-warranty expires, these suckers were 15 years old, and were still ticking.
So we waited. For the day when they finally met their long-overdue doom, and we could finally replace them with something we liked. When that day came last week, we gleefully and immediately removed the offending appliance, and set into motion a plan to replace it.
The only problem?
The new unit will not be delivered until Wednesday. Which means we will be looking at this for the next three days:
And it also means I have approximately 72 hours to ponder some truly important thoughts. Stuff like:
- Which is the lesser of two evils: burnt bacon, or no bacon?
- Will my kids go through pork withdrawals in the next few days? Will I?
- Can you cook microwave bacon on the stove top? Where IS that frying pan, anyways?
- It really is a good thing that I have this whole situation in perspective. And that I am not at all dramatic.
- How good is that bacon going to taste come Thursday morning?