Have you seen this child? Reward offered.

Description: My younger child.  Also answers to “Chip.”

Crime: Entering toddlerhood.

Formerly Known As:

  • “My Sweet Momma’s Boy”
  • “My easy, second-born child”
  • “The Quiet One”

Recent Aliases:

  • Little Devil
  • Mr. No
  • “The Biter”
  • “The Hitter”
  • “The Hissy Fit Thrower”
  • COMEHERERIGHTNOWMISTER
  • The “you’ll-never-guess-what-your-son-did-today” child

Identifying characteristics: Eyelashes so long it’s not even funny.  Smile that says “I double dog dare you to put me in timeout.”  Sly, sneaky grin.  Will not perpetuate crimes unless you are looking directly at him.  He believes that if it is not seen, there is really no point in doing it.

Last seen: Squeezing a juice box all over the carpet.  Just to see what you’d do.

Anyone with information regarding the whereabouts of my child (the pre-two-year-old version), please email me immediately.

Warning: If you see this child, please approach with caution.  Do not be fooled by his outwardly cute exterior.  And, above all, do not engage him.  He thrives on an audience for his malicious deeds.

Also, be aware that he is prone to being a sweet cuddlebug one minute, and the next, throwing a temper tantrum of epic proportions.  You will not see it coming.  He strikes when you least expect it.

If caught while executing a crime, he will try to weasel his way out of punishment by laughing, batting those obscenely long eyelashes at you, or uttering the words, “I love you, mommy.”  Do not underestimate the power any of the aforementioned in making you laugh when you’re trying to be angry.

Again: Approach with caution.

And be afraid.  Be very afraid.

Because he is two.  Terrible, terrible two.

19 thoughts on “Have you seen this child? Reward offered.”

  2. He is so freakin’ cute!! But oh man, you’ve got it bad….those terrible twos. It’s a good think he’s cute or he may be out on the curb with a “free to good home” sign at some point!

    Hang in there!

  3. Ok, well add Aubrey’s picture right along side Chip’s because these 2 are partners-in-crimes and they have run off together!

    P.S…are you upgrading to iPad2 today? 😛

  5. You wanna swap? My turd of a three year old for your terrible two year old? No really – I’ll take the 2s over the 3s any day 😉 Cute or not.

  6. And here this whole week I’ve been suspicious you swapped your child for mine since my sweet boy has taken to stomping on his food just to see what happens.

    Don’t ask why his parents are allowing his feet anywhere near his food. It’s not their fault. They’ve been duped. They are not wise.

  7. I have one of those running around as well. My sympathies to you.

    My sister-in-law told me that the reason they are so adorable at this age is actually an evolutionary tactic that keeps them alive. After the last few weeks I’ve had, I’m very inclined towards that line of thinking.

  8. I’m convinced toddlers are so incredibly extra cute as a fail safe to prevent us mom’s from putting them on eBay as a ‘buy it now’ item because of their mind bending behavior. 😉
    One day at a time mama! I found E turning 3 to bring a lot of postive changes.

  9. Haha! This is brilliant. I think this may describe every little boy entering the toddler days…Happy birthday Chip. You’re so cute I’d eat you…

  10. Not that I *actually* love this, but I love when kids are being so obstinate that they do their bad deed with you looking squarely at them.

  12. Oh boy! Well on the good side at least he is not sneaky. I will be take an “in your face troublemaker” over a sneaky one any day. Good luck – that is why they are so cute – you can’t hold a grudge with cuteness like that!

  13. I always love your wit and humor. I posted a flyer just like this when my son was 18-months. It’s so hard to be mad at them with those beatiful eyes sparkling at you!

  14. I swear between 18 months and 3 years, they turn into crazy people. And I think God intentionally designed them to be really cute so you could tolerate it. There’s a reason toddlers are adorable!
    Hope those long eyelashes make it a little easier!

  15. Currently, I’m reading “Shutter Island.” I swear Lehane developed the mental patients around the behavior of a two-year old!

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