I luv u, Steve. But ur products r evil.

To: “Steve Jobs” <sjobs@apple.com>
From: “Booyah’s Momma” <booyahsmomma@chipandbobo.com>
Subject: A plea for help.  And possibly a free Apple TV.

Dear Steve,

You simply do not know what you are doing to me.

My infatuation started innocently enough.  A while back, I decided to get an iPhone.  My old Motorola was dying a painful death, and I figured it was a good time to trade up.  Plus, I figured I could check my work email from my phone.  Extra bonus!

I didn’t realize how quickly I’d get sucked in.  Me. The person who used to despise cell phones with a vehement passion.  I never thought it would happen to me.

I had became the very person I used to scoff at.

The woman who took her phone with her to the ladies’ room so she could catch up her blog reading.  Who found herself madly texting her technophobe-40-some sister at midnight.  Who gave her kids her phone at the grocery store, so they could entertain themselves with Elmo’s Monster Maker and she could shop in peace.  The woman who found comfort in hearing the middle-of-the-night “Duh duh dum!” when her phone told her she had a new DM.

And that was only the beginning.

Because when I got my iPad for Christmas, it took the craze to a whole other level.

I admit, I poo-pooed the iPad when it first came out.  I giggled every time I heard an advertisement for the things… maybe because I thought they always sounded like a feminine hygiene product.

Once I took it out of the box, though, I had to admit: it was pretty genius.  A slippery sloped sort of genius.

I blame it on the apps.

Those glorious apps have rocked my world.  I can’t go a day without checking my Smurf Village to bake Smurfberry muffins.  When I’m in the kitchen, I pretend that I’m a Fruit Ninja, slashing up culinary delights for my kids.  Ironically, I no longer even use it to check my work email.  I now have Words with Friends.

iPhone.  iTunes.   iPad.  iObsess.

All because of you and your evil plot to take over MacWorld.

My doctor thinks Apple just might be detrimental to my health.  Because, when I went in to see her the other day because of this strange swelling in my thumbs, she actually diagnosed me with something far more serious.

I think she said it was Appleitis.  Which I’m pretty sure is like Elephantitis, only much worse.  I’m sending you a picture so you can see what it looks like.

Sorry for the bad picture quality, by the way.  I took it on my iPhone.

Make it stop, Steve.  Please.  My kids, my husband, and my over-sized pile of dirty laundry implore you.

Your Biggest Fan

PS: Is the new Apple TV really as cool as it sounds?

Sent from my iPhone.


Edited note: I read this morning (after this post was already scheduled), that CEO Steve Jobs just announced a health-related leave of absence from Apple.  Obviously, my timing couldn’t have sucked worse for a tongue-in-cheek post like this, but I decided to publish anyways.  I wish you a speedy recovery, Mr. Jobs.  And I mean that in all seriousness.

19 thoughts on “I luv u, Steve. But ur products r evil.”

  1. Too funny. I don’t use my access to internet from my cell but then again I’m home all day and I can just open up my laptop. God help me when I get back to work. At least facebook has been outlawed at my job.

  2. girl! I told you! First the iPhone, then the iPad…when is the madness going to stop??? I heard that the 2nd generation iPad is insane!! Thinner, sleeker, dual camera! I’m going to sell my iPad and get the new one when it comes out. See how smart Steve Jobs is? He doesn’t release all the good stuff at one time…he spreads it out over years so that you HAVE to upgrade every year! Damn him!

  3. Oh, you are in deep my friend! You’ve got it bad, bad…..we haven’t gone that far in yet, but son and hubs are pretty addicted to their iPod touches and hubs is chomping to get the Verizon iPhone.

    So yeah, I think your addiction may be spreading slowly in other households as well.

    Apple TV just has to be cool, don’t you think?!

  4. I’ve said it before, my iPhone is like my right arm! I can’t even walk to the bus stop with the kid without taking it with me. It’s a pandemic!

  5. I can’t even handle how awesomely funny this is because it is so true! Yesterday I found a voodoo doll app and I’ve been using it on my managers because I’m all vindictive like that 😉

  6. I would never take my iPhone to the bathroom with me. And fortunately, you can’t follow me there to disprove that statement.

  7. So jealous you got an iPad for Christmas! Although, in my case I might just get confused blogging in the bathroom between that and Kotex…always!

  8. I think my husband suffers from Appleitis. I, on the other hand, have yet to start down that very slippery slope. Mostly because I envision a similar path to the one you took!

  9. Steve Jobs owns my butt.
    iPhone, iPad, iMac, Apple TV, and MacBook.
    I’m wish I had some advice, but the best I can offer is to just give yourself over to it. It is futile to resist.
    And yes, AppleTV really is that awesome. It’s worth every single penny.

  10. If you are a technotard like me, these gadgets and thingamabobs have no lure.

    I am safe, as long as I don’t open Pandora’s box.

    If I do, I know who to come to…

  11. As much as I love Apple (we’ve got almost EVERYTHING), I totally think that Steve Jobs is a home wrecker.

    My husband has had his judgement severely debilitated by his iPhone/iPad, bringing it out at the dinner table to check stats or texts, playing angry bird instead of playing with his kids, basically allowing everything to fall apart because he has to check on how his picks for the NCAA tournament have been doing. I want to throw his phone across the room sometimes!

  12. I just FINALLY after 18 months am expecting the arrival of Baby Appleonia 4G this week! This post could not have been timed any better for me. This is what I have to look forward to? I can’t wait!

  13. My husband really wanted an iPad for his birthday yesterday, so I got an Always maxipad and drew an “i” on it. That’s really mean, right?

    iObsess, too. 🙂

  14. iphone is coming to Verizon and I am doing a happy, happy dance! I can’t wait! Appleitis must be the Mac-Daddy of techno-geek disorders! I don’t have an ipad yet, but want one, bad!
    Hope if I catch this, that I’ll break out in those cool apples too!

  15. This is absolutely hilarious and terribly clever! Love the picture of you with the apples all over your face. You’re brilliant! This post deserves an Academy Award or something! Something!

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