My husband knows that there is another man in my life. Someone I love, and who fulfills me in a way that he cannot.
His name is Joe. Trader Joe.
I might just leave my husband for him. In fact, I do leave my husband for him. Every Sunday, I traipse over to Trader Joe’s. I romp around in the produce section. I get lost in the depths of his wine aisles.
But the thing about Joe that makes me just go weak at the knees? His very well-endowed frozen food section.
I’m a big fan of frozen foods. After a long day at work, it’s so easy to just take something out of the freezer, pop it in the oven, and enjoy a hot, delicious meal in about 20 minutes flat.
The only problem? I sometimes go a little overboard. I’ll come home after a trip to Joe’s place, and will be laden with bags upon bags of that yummy frozen goodness. Last month was one of those times.
“Clearly, your mother’s stocking up for a bomb shelter, kids,” my husband announced as he helped me unload the car.
I gave him a dirty look as I lovingly loaded up the freezer with the cute little Mexican quiches. The Mandarin Chicken with tangy shoyu sauce. And finally, the creme-de-la-creme: the Mini Mint ice cream sandwiches.
But when I went to close the door, I got a surprise. It wouldn’t fit. I had to sadly admit that Joe, in all of his glorious frozen splendor, was just too much man for my puny little freezer.
But still I tried. I rearranged, shoved, and packed things in, shut the door, and walked away.
Little did I know that Joe couldn’t be contained. Somehow, in the middle of the night, he burst forth from the confines of the freezer, and the door became ajar. By the next morning, everything had melted.
All I was left with was a wet spot. A very wet spot. All over my kitchen floor.
The worst part about it wasn’t the money. It wasn’t the 150 bones I had dropped the day before… although that did sting. Trader Joe’s lovin’ ain’t cheap, you know.
The worst part about the whole incident was parting ways with all of the uneaten culinary delights that morphed into a warm, dripping mess inside my Frigidaire.
And as I emptied the freezer, I said a tearful goodbye to the treasures from Joe that would never be consumed.
Farewell, Mandarin Chicken. Adios, cute little quiches. So long, Mini Mint ice cream sandwiches. I think I’ll miss you most of all.
Needless to say, I learned my lesson. Somewhat. Even though the frozen food section at Joe’s still makes my heart go all a-flutter, I do try to restrain myself. Somewhat.
I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that, while my love for Trader Joe may have no limits, my freezer certainly does.
I’m a strong woman. But I know I just can’t handle having my heart melt like that all over again.
I love this!
so sorry for your loss..especially those mint chocolate sandwiches. I think I might head over to Trader Joes and find those…like right now. Yummy and hope this doesn’t happen again soon.
Don’t be too hard on Joe and, please, don’t blame yourself. This happens a lot to couples in the early stages of their relationship. With time and good communication, I’m sure you guys will work this out and have a more fulfilling and mutually satisfying “home” life for many years to come.
That said, you missed a golden oppotunity for a good old fashioned Roman Feast. If I were there, very little of the prematurely thawed Joe loot would have gone to waste.
Oh, this is a good one. Love the writing here and it sounds just a little naughty to boot.
Sorry for the loss of all that yumminess. Those mint mint ice cream sandwiches look SO good!
O-M-G Mini Mints….those are the new Bon Bons!
I can’t even walk by a Trader Joes without dropping at least 100 bucks in it! I would have been broken hearted at the loss of all that!!
That is so sad. Maybe you should buy one of those big freezers.
We don’t have a Trader Joe’s around here… so I really can’t relate. But that does sound like a pretty heart melting moment!
LOL!!! We don’t have a Trader Joe’s here in Tallahassee, but my friends (especially my MOM friends, of COURSE) sing his praises over and over!
Thanks for a laugh – sorry about your melted mini mint thingies they look so good!
I’m a man and even I can admit that Joe is very, very well endowed. *jealous*
I love Trader Joe’s. Oh how I wish we had one in Canada! Thankfully it is just a quick trip across the border 🙂
Have you ever thought of buying a small deep freeze for all your Trader Joe goodness?
Visiting from Mama Kat’s
I recently discovered Trader Joe’s when we moved to a city that had one. My favorite? The Chinese Pork Buns. I grew up on them and they are the best.
Not to add to your, ahem, problem, but you should really try them the next time you get your Mandarin Chicken. Just sayin’.
Stopping by from Mama Kat’s.
What a fun post!
I love those things! And I didn’t know Trader Joe’s carried them.
Thanks for fueling my addiction. Thanks a lot. 🙂
Oh mah lawd this is so funny. We don’t have a trader joes in Canada and my husband is probably happy about that 😉
Clever post! So sorry for your loss!! 🙂 That would really suck. I hope you replaced the little ice cream sandwiches quickly.
New follower; stopping by from Mama Kat’s.
littlebishopchronicles.blogspot.com
They were definitely replaced quickly. But I solved the problem of freezer space by eating them all in one sitting. Clever, huh?
Maybe your freezer just needs to do some kegels?
I can most relate to this line:
Mini Mint ice cream sandwiches. I think I’ll miss you most of all.
Man, I love me some of those! And that Joe does have some awesome stuff. We have one only about 2 miles from our house now, and it’s dangerous. Especially when I’m already hungry.
What a mess, though! And to have to part ways with all those yummy things? Ugh.
you never fail to make me chuckle! I love me some trader joe’s… i swear tj’s and target are what i miss most about Oregon.
oh, that and family! oh yeah, almost forgot!
Oh you’re too funny. That’s how my husband is when it come BJ’s Wholesale Club. I won’t let him go there unescorted anymore because he comes home with way too much crap we don’t need. The stakes are high because they sell so much other stuff besides food and grocery items.
Alright, I definitely think it’s time for another fridge.
The refrigerated side for your main man’s beer, and the freezer side for your other main squeeze, Joe.
Make it happen, use my second favorite man (Craig of craigslist.org) to help you out!
Oh my…this is so funny.
And now I’m craving Mandarin chicken!
Thanks a lot! 😉
Too funny! Love your humorous style of writing. Thanks for sharing. Stopping by from Mama Kat’s.
Great post!
Next time, stick to TJ’s $3 bottles of wine – no refrigeration necessary! Even if it did, it wouldn’t last long enough. Love Trader Joe’s!
Oh my gosh, you don’t know what you’re doing to me with that suggestion.
The wine! The canned food section!
I’m so going back tomorrow.
Okay- and next time, make sure that freezer door is closed!
I have a thing for Joe too. How can you not? I have to drive a solid hour to get to one, but deep down, I know I’d drive as far as it took. He’s that good!
I was there one day and had the craziest grocery shopping trip ever! I may have blogged about it, it was so odd. The cashier started giving me stuff. Lots of stuff. Adam(my twelve year old) was with me. He loved it!
She gave us several candy bars, a pumpkin, about a dozen of those nice bags(I’d gone overboard and didn’t have enough) and a bouquet of flowers. I ended up stopping her at a balloon. My husband said I should have kept going, might have come home with a car. But, I was happy with the flowers and my chili lime tilapia!
Sorry about your losing that much food. We were gone a lot this summer and I came back to a moth infestation in my pantry. Had to toss everything but the canned stuff. It made me sick!
Clever, cute, sweet and just a ‘lil bit sad! Farewell to the yummy goodness, fab post! XO
This was so cute!! I always hear about Trader Joe’s but, unfortunately, I have never been to one. Joe must not want to train in Texas. 🙁
*trade
That’s so funny. Trader Joe’s is lovely…my favorite ice cream treat there is strawberry flavored Mochi. They always have such different selections. YUM!