Something wicked this way comes

In the dark, quiet house, a family of monsters lies sleeping.  Momma and Poppa Monster snuggle in their bed, kept warm by layers of downy quilts.  That, and the natural gas created by Poppa Monster.

Momma Monster stirs.  She thinks she hears something.  She glances at the clock.  4:28.  With any luck, she has a few more hours of sleep until the Little Monsters get up.

Some mornings the Little Monsters are awoken early, by dreams of spooky things, or by the Boogey Monster hiding under the bed.

Other mornings they sneak quietly in, and hover ghoulishly by the bedside.  They stand in the dark silently, willing the big monsters to wake up at an ungodly hour. 

She hopes this will be the morning they decide to sleep in.

But, alas, it isn’t.

Their little biological clocks can’t be fooled by the hands of time.  Their internal alarms have always run  frightfully ahead of schedule.  They wake most mornings at the butt crack of dawn, far earlier than should be humanly allowable.

This morning, butt crack seems to have arrived sooner than normal.

At 4:35, they burst into the room, howling like wild banshees.  “Wake up, wake up!” they yell excitedly.

“It’s too early!!  Go back to bed!” groans the Momma Monster.  Her hair is wild and disheveled, and resembles that of Medusa.  Her morning breath smells positively frightful.  She hopes one of those factors might scare the little monsters back into their rooms.

No dice.

“It’s five o’clock somewhere,” they reason with her.

“Can we come up there and watch Dora?” one of them asks.

“No!” snaps the Momma Monster irritably.  She recalls the last time they tried that, the Little Monsters cackling “Swiper, no swiping” maniacally in her ear as she tried to go back to sleep.

“I hate daylight savings time,” Momma Monster grumbles to Poppa Monster.

“I’ll take them downstairs,” he says between yawns.  He gets up and stumbles zombie-like towards the bedroom door.  Momma Monster looks at him gratefully as he gallantly shuffles the little monsters down the hall.

As she burrows back into the covers, she can hear them fixing breakfast downstairs.  Poppa Monster is preparing a cauldron of Cocoa Puffs for the Little Monsters.  No doubt pouring on the chocolate milk and heaping on spoonfuls of additional sugar for good measure.  She knows that when she does wake up, the Little Monsters will have a wicked sugar high.  But right now, she is too tired to care.

Momma Monster drifts off to sleep, recalling a time when they used retire for the night just a few hours before that.  When sleeping in meant sleeping past noon.  And when daylight savings time meant you’d actually get an extra hour of sleep.

Does the thought of daylight savings time send chills up anyone else’s spine?

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20 thoughts on “Something wicked this way comes”

  1. Oh man, it's coming isn't it??! You crack me up, friend….love the visuals! Butt-crack….I'll never look at sunrise the same way again.

  2. when is it???? I guess this one has a double edge sword for me. The kiddo will be up earlier….but I also now only have a 2 hour time difference for work on the east coast. No more 4am work calls!!!

  3. Sounds like you need that night light that Liz mentioned a while back with the sun and moon telling the kids when it was okay to get up. That would never work with my kids though – I have to use belts and duct tape. Their wrists are a little sore in the morning, but ya do what ya gotta do.

  4. OMG. I'm hilariously horrified. I JUST got Alex to start sleeping to 6-7 am. So you're saying…that was all for naught?Naught?

  5. It's awlays a double-edged sword when the hubs take s over morning meals– I like the sleep, but the noisy, sugar infused chaos gives me nightmares of its own! Fun Word Up post!

  6. I love that Bethany is giving me shouts. And I love that you keep raising the bar with your WUY posts.

  7. OMG! You cracked me up, lady! That 'natural gas' things made me almost spit my coffee hahaha. That's why I'm glad we doesn't have daylight savings time here 😀

  8. I haven't had sleep in so long. I get that request to watch Dora every morning at 5:30am by the toddler after I've been up most of the night trying to teach the infant to sleep. Why does Dora have to talk so loud????

  9. Crap. Max just started sleeping until 6:30 DARN YOU GOVERNMENT FOR MESSING WITH OUR TIME!!!!! This makes me so very sad for my future.

  10. UM, I didn't even think about how terrible it will be until just now. In fact I was looking forward to having a little more light in the morning, now I am imagining the terrors!Are the really saying, "it's 5 o'clock somewhere in the world?" If they are, you can be sure they will always have their Great-Grandma in their hearts! And BTW that only applies to drinking, and going to bed, not waking up!

  11. Oh this was perfect.I am SOOO monster like when I wake that no one will look me in the eye.Lest I turn them to stone.We can be Medusa twins!

  12. 4:30 – ouch. in my book that constitutes the middle of the night. To hell with what the "but crack of dawn" has to say about it. very funny

  13. Frightful indeed…NO to DST!! Hilarious post and very clever 🙂

  14. Uggg…. to be able to sleep in again…. someday it will happen. It has to. Right?No child should get up before 7am at the earliest!!!

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