I break chain letters. And I’m a bad liar.

Confession time.  I’m the one who always breaks chain letters.

Something about them just doesn’t sit well with me.  Maybe it’s the fact that some of them tell you that if you don’t participate, you’ll have bad karma for seven years.  Or, that somewhere in the world, a kitten will die.  Metaphorically, I figure I’ve killed many a kitten over the years.

But the latest chain letter that’s been passed on to me has me intrigued… and doesn’t threaten any small animals… so I’m breaking my own rules.  Bethany at Organic Enchilada tagged me in a rousing game of internet “To Tell the Truth.”  Basically, you’re supposed to tell 5 lies and one truth, and see who can guess the right one.  Since my creative well is a little parched right now (and I discovered that making up falsities was a lot harder than I thought), I’ve put my own spin on this.

Below are 5 true stories, and one completely falsified story.  Can you pick which one is completely hogwash?

#1. In college, I blew out my knee doing cartwheels at a summer barbecue.  There may have been some alcohol involved.  My roommates carried me back to our house.  They had used all of the ice to make margaritas, so one of them held a package of frozen hot dogs on my knee.  My acrobatic attempts earned me hot dog shaped freezer burn on my knee, a torn ACL and MCL, reconstructive knee surgery, and six months of physical therapy.  I haven’t done a cartwheel in over 15 years.  But I still eat hot dogs.

#2. I was a foreign languages major in school.  Ruefully, I have to admit that I have not used a single one of those languages more than a handful of times since graduation.  I can, however, still say “I’d like a beer, please” and “Where is the bathroom” in four languages.  Which I guess would be handy if I ever visited a bar in a place where they speak Chinese, French, Spanish or Vietnamese.

#3. After graduation, I backpacked through Europe with some friends.  One of the highlights of the trip was getting to run with the bulls in Pamplona.  It was an adrenaline rush unequal to one I have ever experienced, and far more dangerous than I could have ever foreseen.  Mainly because I slipped on a cowpie while chasing after the bulls, and sprained my ankle.  I toured the rest of Europe on crutches.

#4. I’ll try almost any food at least one time.  I’ve eaten fried pigs ears, chicken feet, turtle, alligator, bunny, snake meat, and something called a hundred-year egg.  I’ve also drank snakes blood.  I might do well on one of those Survivor food challenges.  As long as they did not make me eat ketchup.  Because, ironically, I can’t stomach either the smell or taste of ketchup.

#5. I have a semi-photographic memory.  I used to cram for tests by scanning pages of notes and then regurgitating information the next day.  I still have the names and addresses from our wedding guest list memorized.  Oddly, I can’t remember what I had for breakfast most mornings, whether I brushed my teeth that day, or where I put the car keys.

#6. I tend to get gassy when I’m nervous.  And when I attended my first Christmas with my now-husband’s extended family, I was very nervous.  Not wanting to appear anti-social, I’d try to silently slink off into the corner and let one rip.  Which worked well until my husband’s uncles tried to join me in the corner for some chit chat.  “Oh, man,” one of the uncles said, gagging.  “Was that you, Bob?”  “Wasn’t me,” said the other uncle.  “Well, it had to have been the dog,” Bob answered back.  He shoved the sleeping dog out the back door and into the cold snow.  “No human could have made a smell like that,” he said as he closed the door.  I didn’t dare fess up after that.

So there you have it.  Way more about me than you probably ever wanted to know. 

But at least I can rest easy tonight knowing that, somewhere in the world, a small kitten lives on because of me.

12 thoughts on “I break chain letters. And I’m a bad liar.”

  1. I'm thinkin' #4 is your lie.I'm glad you admit to breaking chain letters. I still have a deliciously evil award I haven't passed on from this fabulous blogger who gave it to me. šŸ™‚

  2. p.s. the semiphotographic memory thing has to be true…I have it also, and you describe how I study for tests to a T.

  3. This is harder when it's one lie in the mess of truth. Also, this does prove my point…I might be more normal than you. Ahem. I think #3 is the lie. Though I have no reasoning behind that.

  4. No 6? šŸ˜€ I've seen the hundred years old eggs and I wouldn't dare eat them so you're brave brave lady who saves the kittens lol

  5. I too think #3 is the lie. I don't think the bulls have time to poop during the run. If #6 is true, I feel for your extended family. First you have the booger incident at your brother's (sister's?) wedding and then the flatulence. Oh, the humanity.

  6. I am glad that you saved a cat. This post is so much fun.I have no idea which one is lie. Thanks for stopping by and letting me know I am not the only one with a curious child.

  7. Darn, wish I had read this first, before the answers! I would have loved to think that #6 was the lie….or #1, because it sounds painful.I was tagged in this one by another blogger and killed a few kittens I guess, since I did the task but didn't delegate to others.So, you and I can still hang, but others may hate us, due to the whole kitten thing.

  8. So you're an injury prone, gassy gal? I like it!And yeah, I normally don't do chain anythings either, but this one was fun!

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