Snot your average wedding

It was a beautiful wedding. 

Glowing candelabras. Endless yards of eggplant silk and lace that were crafted into nine (yes, nine) floorlength bridesmaids gowns.  Fragrant bouquets of iris and freesia.

My brother got married nearly twenty years ago, but I still remember many of the details.  Indubitably, it was also one of my more embarrassing experiences.

This was my first wedding… and my first experience with how sentimental I get at weddings.  As we stood in front of the congregation, I remember being washed over by emotions.  Somewhere between “who gives this woman” and “I Do,” I started to cry. 

And then it came.  I felt my nose start to run.

I suddenly realized I hadn’t thought ahead enough to bring Kleenex with me.  Not that there would have been anyplace to stash one, anyway.  I silently cursed the designer who had created a dress with enough fabric to make a small tent, yet didn’t have enough left over to put in one tiny pocket.  I gave a little sniffle and silently willed my nose to stop running.

It didn’t work.  The boogers came faster.  And in more abundance.

“Maybe no one will notice,” I thought to myself.

A few minutes later, I caught the eye of another bridesmaid, my sister, standing a few feet away from me.  She wriggled her nose at me Bewitched-style, as if to signal, “Psst, you’ve got a river of snot running down your face.”  Indubitably, someone had noticed.

Because by this time, the stream of boogers had made their way down my face at an alarming rate, and were now dripping from my chin in a very unladylike fashion.  I began to really panic.  My options were limited.

I looked down at the gorgeous display of flowers I was holding.  I won’t go into the elaborate details.  But I will say that by the time I walked back down the aisle, most of the snot was gone from my face. 

Indubitably, however, the flowers had seen better days.

I wish I could say that was the end of the story.  But of course it isn’t.

Ditching the flowers on a nearby bench, I quickly escaped to the restroom to compose myself and clean up.  When I emerged a few minutes later, I went to collect my belongings… only to find them missing.  I figured maybe the flowers got thrown away, or my sister picked them up.

As my sister told me later, this was not the case.  Apparently, the bridesmaids bouquets… all nine of them… were rounded up after the ceremony, and used as decoration in various other parts of the reception.  Like centerpieces.  Or at the buffet.  Or on the cake table.

I’ll never know where mine ended up.

But I learned some valuable things from that wedding.   I’ve never gone to another wedding since then without plenty of Kleenex on hand.  And, indubitably, I always steered clear of the bouquet toss.

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3.) Write about a true embarrassing moment…

26 thoughts on “Snot your average wedding”

  1. ugh!! I feel for you! I can totally see the whole thing playing out and how uncomfortable it must have been. Poor you…but you learned from it! LOL! Great use of the word INDUBITABLY!!

  2. I love this story. I'm so impressed that you didn't do one of those snort-suck things that reels in all the snot and lets it flow down your throat. So unladylike. Very nice improvisation, though. I'll be forever checking centerpieces for glistening "dew" now.

  3. I sobbed something fierce at my brother's wedding (it was a month after our dad died, and the priest was talking about our dad during the mass, and I just lost it). That was 27 years ago, and I hadn't thought of it in a long time until I read your post – so I'm tellin' ya – 7 more years and you'll forget all about your snot!

  4. LMAO! Oh wow… that's some crazy stuff! Yeah… I never leave home w/o my kleenex now…

  5. Oh my word, I could just picture this;D I had to laugh so loud because I would have probably done the same thing!!

  6. Oh my, this is hilarious. I will indubitably snot be accepting any cake nearest bouquets anymore.

  7. That is sooo funny! You'd think that somehow bridesmaids dresses would have a inconspicuous pocket. I mean this is a wedding!Stoppin' by from mama kat's 🙂

  8. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAI'm so sorry, it must have been really embarrassing but that has to be the funniest "most embarrassing story" ever. I'm pretty sure it's the way you tell it that makes it ROTF funny but still. Hahahhahahhaa

  9. Bahaha. Way to be creative, lady. I probably would've just used my dress, because I'm disgusting. not having Kleenex is the worst.

  10. Oh man, this is a crack up! I am SURE your flowers wound up on the cake table…they had to. And how DO they make those dresses like circus tents, but there's no place to store your stuff? Too funny…and I'm not a big crier, but can't contain it at weddings. Even weddings of people I don't particularly like.

  11. This so gross and so funny! I hope no one took the flowers home to dry them out unless they wanted a big booger for a keepsake!

  12. Indubitably the best Booger-Wedding-River of Snot-Bouqet as Tissue-Mucus Covered Centerpiece story I've heard all day.

  13. I think my arm would've been encrusted in snot from all the wiping. When i was the made of honor at my sister's wedding, a bee would not leave me alone and I was petrified it was going to fly up my dress. You can see me batting it away on the video.

  14. Oh my goodness, I am sitting here at my son's football practice and practically laughing OUT LOUD!! Haven't we all been there?? Great story and I promise, next time we're at a wedding together, the kleenex will be on me! It's the least I could do.

  15. Oh my! Funny and gross at the same time! Wonder if it ended up at the cake table?

  16. Oh my GOD that is hysterical!!! As a crier at all weddings (except my own strangely enough) I also learned the (slightly) less hard way to always have tissue on hand!!

  17. I'm going to have to remember that trick….Not that I cry at weddings overly much, but the idea that flowers will serve another function *besides* making your nose *run*…..Stopped in from WOW — thanks for the laugh!

  18. Oh dear but you must admit that was genius idea given the circumstances… now lets hope the flowers never ended near food. Yikes and LOL! Loved the post…Glad to have stopped by to support you as a member of MamaKat's Writer's Workshop assignment for the week.Best,Elizabeth

  19. Was your moment caught forever in time with video?? Instead of a sex tape – it would be a snot tape…. Love your blog you always crack me up.

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