You cannot fill a hole this large with mediocrity

My posts are usually lighthearted in nature.  But today, my heart is heavy.

At approximately 6 am on Saturday, a dear friend left us.  It’s left a gaping hole in our hearts, and in the epicenter of our home.

This is the place our friend used to reside.  The friend, who I’ll call Telly, was with us for years.  We’ve been through many things together.  To be exact: six seasons of Survivor, 94 regular season NFL games, a few VH1 “I love the 80’s” marathons, and approximately 2600 hours of Nickelodeon.

All that is left now is a gaping, 42″ hole that stares back at us in emptiness.

While our entire family has mourned the loss of Telly, it is my husband who has taken the untimely departure very well.  So well, in fact, he was actually chomping at the bit to go look for a replacement friend the very day Telly left us.

Which is a little morbid, if you ask me. Not more than five minutes after we had moved Telly’s 80 pound frame (still warm) into the garage, Jay started taking measurements.

As it turns out, while I was always happy with Telly, she was, in my husband’s eyes, simply mediocre.  Telly came from the era of analog television.  Her display has not high def, and she did not have surround sound.   And she was, shall we say, not very well endowed… size wise.

Simply put, Telly was not sexy enough for Jay.

So on Saturday, kids in tow, we ventured off to the replacement friend store, in search of Telly Two.  The gleam that appeared in my husband’s eye when we entered the store was unmistakable.  It immediately became clear that Jay would no longer settle for mediocrity.

The next 90 minutes made my head spin.  Unbeknownst to me, they don’t even make analog TVs anymore.  Who knew?  I also got a crash course on strange vocabulary like resolution, bandwidth, megahertz.  I was educated (by both the salesman and Jay) that, at least when it came to TVs, bigger is always better. 

I couldn’t take it. I convinced Jay that I needed some time to ponder.  And to mourn my beloved, simple and mediocre old television.  Preferably over a drink.

For now, the hole still sits.  But as football season rapidly approaches, I suspect it will not remain empty for long.  Telly Two will likely be bigger, faster and and sexier than Telly One.

And, if my husband has anything to say about it, anything but mediocre.

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13 thoughts on “You cannot fill a hole this large with mediocrity”

  1. when i opened this post, i took in a deep, worried breath, and was rather relieved you were just being sarcastic!!Sheesh!!

  2. My condolences. I know how hard it must be on your family, but your husband is right – you need to move on. Telly is in a better place. Well.. not a better place, but a different place. A place where all our analog friends must eventually go. I bet in no time Telly Two will make you forget all about old whats his name. In the meantime, my prayers are with you.

  3. an adorable post. I promise you you won't mourn long. Football will never be the same with the new TV. you will love it 🙂

  4. you had me for awhile there. :)i hope Telly Two will satisfy all your needs as well!

  5. Too funny! My husband was so excited when we were able to get a new, bigger tv. I was sort of appalled at first, though quickly got used to a bigger tv!

  6. I get almost as much of a laugh out of reading your comments as I do your post. Big Daddy…hilarious. I envy the crowd you hang with!

  7. We're nearly in that same boat. We just keep waiting for ours to kick the bucket. But we're hoping it holds out until tax return time. And I'm the tech person in our house, so I am going to have to get some outside help when we do upgrade, because I'm clueless times ten.I hope you enjoy the new one, when it comes!

  8. That is exciting that you will get to upgrade. We've got an old-school big-ass TV that I would hate to part with us. Although, I'm sure my husband is counting the days (minutes) until it breaks so he can justify a new, sleeker one!

  9. Ah. Men and their fancy TVs. Heaven only knows my husband probably loves his more than he loves me.

  10. I'm simply in awe of the fact that your husband can go Telly shopping and leave the store empty-handed. Something tells me an upgrade that is not quite as well-endowed physically will be on your doorstep before football starts!

  11. I cannot believe your husband is so eager to replace Telly with a newer model. For shame, husband. For shame.

  12. Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss! My husband is the same way. Luckily, I've been able to keep him from spending a kajillion (that's not even a word, I know) dollars on the newest/biggest/best.

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