Potty training for dummies

This isn’t a post about potty training your little one.  It took us over a year to potty train Bobo.  Obviously, I’m no expert in that arena. 

This is a tutorial on a different kind of potty training:  How to Fix a Toilet.  As it turns out, I am an expert on that kind of potty repair.

Before I get to the tutorial, let me give you a little context.  We had this annoying little drip coming from the toilet in our master bathroom.  I did some research on the internet, and figured out that the fill valve needed to be replaced.  After reading everyone say how easy it was, I ventured down to the hardware store and picked up a $12 toilet repair kit.

Now, the kit I picked up had words such as “do-it-yourself” and “easy” emblazoned on the packaging.  In retrospect, I’m thinking they actually meant it was easy if you had any sort of prior plumbing experience.

(I had none.)

Nonetheless, after my plumbing experiences last night, I feel like I’ve picked up quite a bit of knowledge.  Here are some of the valuable tidbits I picked up along the way:

• Ever seen that little nob behind the toilet?  It’s called the water shutoff valve.  It is your friend; use it.  Preferably before you start disassembling the toilet. 
• Put the lid and toilet seat down before attempting any work.
• If you have long hair, tie it back.  Especially helpful if you forget to put the lid down.
• Invest in some rubber gloves.  Especially helpful if you still forget to put the lid down and need to retrieve the pliers that fell into the toilet.
• Before removing parts from the toilet, make sure the tank is drained.
• Double check to make sure it is fully drained.
• If you forget the last two steps, make sure you have plenty of towels on hand.
• If the towels become soaked, you can also use articles of clothing.  I discovered that a sock stuffed in the hole at the bottom of the tank will temporarily stop the flow of water.  This will buy you enough time to run to the linen closet to get more towels.
• Do not attempt to start fixing the toilet at 10pm.  No one, especially, your husband, enjoys being awoken at 11 pm to loud expletives.
• When all else fails, call a plumber.

Speaking of which… have you checked out the hourly rates for plumbers lately?  Wow. 

I’ve decided to go into business for myself.  Even though I’m an expert already, I am still a newbie, so I’m prepared to offer a stellar deal.  For $20 an hour, you can have me come over and make a hot mess of your own bathroom.

Plus, you get this:

Reenactment of actual event.  There was much more crap on the floor, and I was not this happy.

My only caveat to this deal of the century:  You supply the socks.

Any takers?