Before I was a mom, I sported a cute little purse. Now, I lug around something resembling a small body bag, loaded with diapers, wipes, sippy cups and snacks. No wonder I can never find my keys in there.
Before I was a mom, I went out to quiet dinners with my husband. We’d sip cocktails while exchanging real, adult conversation. Now, dinners out consist of blowing on/cutting up someone’s food, entertaining the kids with napkin origami and, sometimes, getting a to-go box just when dinner arrives so that we can avoid the impending public meltdown.
Before I was a mom, I wore matching underwear. Nowadays, I’m lucky if I wear matching socks. Business suits have been replaced by jeans and T-shirts, which often have boogers or something equally attractive wiped on them.
Before I was a mom, I was a fairly good multi-tasker. Now, I am an exceptional one. I can make dinner, conference call to work and hold a baby at the same time. Granted, the dinners are often burnt and my boss has problems hearing me above the ruckus in my house, but I have to at least get an A for effort.
Before I was a mom, I was a regular at happy hour. I still do this occasionally, but it requires an unreal amount of planning and forethought. The real happy hour in our house now starts at 8 o’clock, when both kids are in bed, and I can finally crack open a beer.
Before I was a mom, I cursed, often. Now, I am constantly reprimanded by my four year old when I utter anything even remotely sounding like a potty word. And for the record, potty words in our house consist of word such as “butt” or “fart.” I struggle with this one on a daily basis. I accidentally called someone a “dillhole” in the car the other day, and my daughter had a field day.
Before I was a mom, time was easy to define. A year was measured by 365 days.
I now measure a year by the changes and milestones that come with it. A year can change a helpless, snuggly infant into a babbling, walking toddler. It can change a princess who resented being dethroned into a fiercely independent little girl who would do anything for her brother.
And it can transform a purse-carrying, well-dressed, potty-mouthed lush into simply.. “mama.”